The Worst Sex Ever!!

Hey everyone!! It's been a minute. I was chilling with my neighbor one night (he has some interest in me) and was asking me what was my worst sexual encounter. I told him about it and the man damn near went into hysterics. He said that was the most comical story he has ever heard so I said "F" it let me blog about it.  It was 2005, I had just broken up with my boyfriend and I was getting the lonlies. I started to chop it up with a guy from work. Ricky reminded me kinda like Pharrell from the Neptunes, but way less cuter. I dunno know what it was about him, maybe it was his style of dress. Anyway he came over one night and we were chilling. We start to kiss and I'm horrified. This dude literally cleaned the bottom half of my damned face!! Like he was slobbing me everywhere except my mouth! Then the dude starts slobbing on my neck and starts to lick my hair!!  I'm totally disgusted by this so I try to coach him into kissing correctly. I'm big on kissing and I now know that if you aren't a good kisser, then your skills maybe lacking in the sack. The encounter just went down hill from there. We got undressed and his dick was limp as a wet noodle!! I was in disbelief! We had fooled around for a good 45 minutes and this dude was as soft as Clay Aiken. LOL So I'm frustrated at this point because dude is trying to get hard and I'm standing there butt ass naked wondering what the F I got myself into. He said "I'm sorry I don't know what's going on. Usually I'm hard." So I tell him that he needs to do something quick cause I was getting annoyed with this bull ish. He tried to go down on me but I wasn't having it. Baby boys teeth resembled Jaws and I already know how the Mother Fer kisses so I wasn't taking the chance with my goodies. After 15 minutes of him jerking himself, he does not get hard. So I say "You need to go now." This shit was very awkward so I avoid his ass at work. But a couple days later people were telling me that Ricky was going around blabbing that we fucked. Ummm NO!! He had the nerve! After that embarassing encounter you think his sorry ass would keep that shit under wraps. So i went to his ass and told him that he needed to be selective of information that he was telling folks cause it can come back to bite. I told him the next time I heard my name come outta his sorry ass mouth I was gonna squash the rumors with the damn truth!! I think he got the hint cause I never heard anything else outta his ass. That's it for now folks. If anyone would be open enough to share their worst experience, then feel free. I won't feel so bad. LOL CIAO.